1004 The One With The Cake

[Scene: Central Perk]

Monica: (she enters) Hey guys!

Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!

Chandler: Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.

Monica: That place in Vermont? You can take a hint!

Rachel: Wait, you can't go away this weekend! It's Emma's birthday!

Ross: Yeah!

Rachel: We're having a party.

Monica: Well, can't you just have the party when we get back?

Ross: No.

Rachel: No, that day... that won't be her real birthday!

Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!

Ross: C'mon you guys, this is really important to us.

Monica: Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.

Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...

Rachel: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?

Ross: Yeah, we want everyone to be there. As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister.

Rachel: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!

Monica: All right, we'll stay. We can just drive up after the party.

Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...

Monica: Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that!

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment]

Rachel: You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.

Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!

Ross: (he enters) Hey guys!

Rachel and Phoebe: Hi!

Ross: Hey, I brought the camera for Emma's video.

Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.

Phoebe: Oh, COOL!! Wow, it's like a time capsule!

Ross: Yeah!

Phoebe: Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!

Ross: That's the hope! So, is Emma awake yet?

Rachel: Oh no, it's still nap time. But she'll be up soon.

Ross: Ah, and where is Joey?

Rachel: I said it's still nap time.

(Joey comes out from his room, yawning)

Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!

Joey: Hey!

Ross: Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday!

Joey: 18, uh? (starts to prepare himself to say his "How You Doin'" line)

Ross: Joey, NO!

Joey: What, what!? it's for her hot friends!

Ross: When they see this you'll be 52!

Joey: And starting to think about settling down!

Rachel: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?

Joey: I'd love to! Yeah!

Joey: (To Phoebe) We were supposed to bring presents?

Phoebe: Yeah! I wrote Emma a song.

Joey: Oh, yeah! How was I supposed to know?

Phoebe: Joey, it's a birthday party.

Joey: Yeah, but for a one-year-old. What's the point... the other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow and the cow says "El-moo"! (Joey starts laughing) Yeah... that's a funny cup!

(Monica and Chandler enter)

Monica: Hey!

Chandler: Hey hey! Where's the birthday girl?

Rachel: Oh, she's still napping

Chandler: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.

Rachel: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.

Monica: All right... you're right. We're sorry. Now let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started!

Rachel: No really, she didn't sleep well last night, so we can't wake her up.

Monica: Are you freaking kidding me, Green?

(someone knocks on the door. Rachel goes to open it)

Jack and Judy: HI!

Ross: (points the camcorder towards them to record their entrance) Hey!

Monica: So glad you came!

Jack: I can't believe Emma is already one!

Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room!

Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!

Joey: Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller! Let me help you with that.

Jack: Thank you!

Joey: Oh man, this is great, uh? The three of us together again! You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us!

Jack: Which one are you?

(Later...)

Monica: I can't believe Emma is still asleep!

Chandler: I know, what are we gonna do?

Monica: I've got a plan. I've got a plan. I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. You're gonna scream out and that'll wake her up!

Chandler: I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!

Joey: Hey Pheebs, you know what? I was thinking... since you wrote a song, maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents!

Phoebe: So you’re gonna... hit on her?

Joey: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!

Phoebe: Oh!

Joey: You know, I could like maybe... I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books!

Phoebe: Or you could stick a fork in an apple!

Joey: Hey, I think Emma might like it!

Rachel: Oh! Emma might like what?

Joey: Um, my present!

Rachel: What did you get her?

Joey: Actually we prepared performances.

Phoebe: Separate performances.

Joey: But equally real!

Rachel: Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?

Phoebe: Sure, yeah!

Joey: (unconfidently) O K.

Rachel: (to everybody) All right, let’s get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.

Ross: Oh, great!

Phoebe: (to Joey) Are you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?

Joey: Hey, I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting!

Rachel: So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?

Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma’s books.

Rachel: Oh, ok, which one?

Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.

Rachel: (crying) Wow! That was amazing!

Ross: Thank you so much for that gift!

Chandler (nearly weeping): I was not ready for this today!

Ross: Amazing... amazing.

Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, I’m sorry! Phoebe has prepared something as well.

Phoebe: That’s right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there’s no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!

Rachel: Is that it?

Phoebe: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). “Sex and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.

Everybody: No, no, no, no, no!

[Scene: Joey’s Apartment. Ross is filming his parents ]

Judy: Hello Emma. Happy eighteenth birthday.

Jack: Right now that seems so far away, seventeen years.

Judy: Yes, you’ll be all grown up by then. We’ll be... Well your grandfather and I might not be here.

Jack: That’s true! This message could becoming to you from beyond the grave, Emma!

Judy: After all, my parents died very young.

Jack: And my cholesterol’s off the charts!

Judy: Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too!

Ross (stops recording): Ok, cut! Great. That was... that was just... yeah!

Rachel: Ross, um, don’t forget to get a shot of Emma’s cake. It’s in a box in the fridge.

Ross: Sure.

Rachel: Oh, you're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Corino’s.

Monica: Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.

Rachel: Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes, in all different shapes, and if you give them a photo, they’ll copy it in icing!

Monica: Oh, did you do a picture of Emma?

Rachel: Yes! On a cake shaped like a bunny.

Ross: Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake erotic cakes? Say for bachelorette parties?

Rachel: Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby’s face on a penis!

Phoebe (sees the cake): oh! Now it’s a party!

Rachel: Why you guys this isn't funny, all right? If I wanted this cake to be a disaster I would have baked it myself!

Joey (staring at the cake): Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?

Judy:(to Jack) Jack, look at this.

Jack: I know what you're thinking Judy, the resemblance is uncanny!

Ross: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.

Rachel (on the phone): No, no, this is not what I ordered. Ok? I went all the way to New Jersey so that I could have the perfect cake for my daughter’s birthday and I need a bunny cake, right now!

Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!

Rachel: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!

Joey: I'm so confused!

Rachel: (speaking to the person on the phone again) Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!

Chandler: To be fair this one does have nuts.

(Later...)

(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)

Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.

Monica: Oh. So nice of her to pull my hair, 'till I dropped the key!

Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!

Chandler: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?

Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!

Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)

Monica: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.

Phoebe: And you know, I have a massage client soon.

Ross: You guys, just please.. a little bit longer. I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. Monica, remember.. the frosting? huh?

Monica: Alright, 5 more minutes.

(The phone rings, Ross picks up)

Ross: (Into receiver) Hello? (listens) Oh no! What happened? (listens some more) Ok ok, where are you? (Grabs a pen and starts writing). Ok, I'll be right there. (Puts the phone down)

Chandler: Was that Emma? Is she up?

Ross: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.

Phoebe: Well, if you're leaving, I'm definitely gonna go.

Monica: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!

Ross: No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?

Chandler: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!

Ross: Joey! You're in charge, ok? You make sure nobody leaves! (leaves)

Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?

Chandler: To the bathroom!

Joey: Alright, well the rest of you get comfortable, ok, because we're gonna be here for a li...(stops and thinks) Wait a minute, there is a window in there!

Phoebe: Oh no! He's not getting away that easy! (Phoebe and Joey run towards the bathroom and enter)

Chandler: (Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)

Joey: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.

Phoebe: No, it did not.

Joey: No.

Judy: Well, we better get going, it's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night anymore. He has trouble staying in his lane.

Jack: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.

Judy: Anyway, it was lovely seeing you.

Joey: Ok! (Opens the door for them)

Judy: Bye... Bye dear.

Joey: Nighty-night!

Judy: Nighty-night!

Joey: Bye, bye.

Phoebe: Joey? How could you just let them leave?

Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not gonna mess with Jack, he's a great man, he fought for our country.

Monica: No, he didn't! He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.

Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)

Chandler: You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?

Joey: Oh! I forgot you used to live here!

(The phone rings, Joey picks up)

Joey: Hello?

Estelle: (on the other side of the line) Joey! It's Estelle!

Joey: Hey! (smiles)

Estelle: So, how did your audition go today?

Joey: (smile fades) What audition?

Estelle: The one I told you about last week?

Joey: What? You never said anything about an audition!

Estelle: (Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.

Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!

Phoebe: Wh.. what? No wait, you don't get to leave! I've got a massage client waiting outside my door any minute!

Monica: Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!

Phoebe: Well, oh, ok now... Only one of us has to stay with Emma. Ok, and as the person who realized that, I get to go!

Monica: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.

Joey: Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.

Monica: (She gives Joey a you-are-so-stupid-look) Ok, ten.

Joey: Okay, Monica picks ten, I call nine! Anyone else?

Phoebe: No, lets just draw straws.

Joey: Or.. we could flip a coin, and then multiply the..

Chandler: I'm begging you stop.

Joey: Right.

Monica: Ok, how about this: We got wind up toys for Emma for her birthday. We can make them race, and whoever comes in last, stays!

Phoebe: (Visibly excited) Yeah!! Let's do that!

Chandler: (Also very excited) That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!

Monica: Everybody get your toys! (They all run toward the table with toys)

Phoebe: Ok! I want the dolphin!

Chandler: Thats a bear.

Phoebe: I'm too excited!

Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!

Joey: Ok, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys! (they do so)

Chandler: Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!

(Monica, Phoebe and Joey release their wind-up toys.)

Phoebe: Go! Go!

Joey: Come on robot!

(Phoebe's bear takes the lead, followed by Joey's robot, and far behind is Chandler and Monica's dog, which walks a few paces, stops and starts barking, sits, walks again, and so on... )

Monica: (to the dog) What are you barking at?

(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)

Monica: Wha... How the hell is that gonna help?

Chandler: I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?

(Meanwhile the race has been won by Phoebe's bear, followed by Joey's robot)

Joey: Way to go robot!

Phoebe: Good job Alan!

Joey: Hey, good race you guys.

Phoebe: Yeah, see you later!

(Joey and Phoebe leave for the door)

Monica: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. (turns to Chandler) The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...

Chandler: They left.

(Monica turns to see the closed door.)

[ Scene: The freeway. Rachel is driving Monica's Porsche, while using her mobile phone. Ross is sitting next to her.]

Rachel: (into the phone) No, there isn't time to go to the bakery. We're just gonna come home... Everybody left? Alright, well just tell Emma we're gonna be there as soon as we can. (emotionally) Bye...

(She hangs up, closes her phone, turns around and puts it in her bag which is in the back of the car. While doing this and not looking at the road, she turns the steering wheel by accident, which makes the car swerve.)

Ross: RACHEL!

Rachel: OOH! God! Sorry!

Ross: (sarcastically) I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver.

(Ross fastens his seat belt.)

Rachel: Emma's awake.

Ross: Yeah?

Rachel: I can't believe this. This is her first birthday. She's awake. We're not even there. Everybody left. We still have this stupid obscene cake.

Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)

Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.

Ross: Rach, she's not going to remember this.

Rachel: (shakes her head) I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing "Happy Birthday". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! (honks furiously, and Ross looks at her in disbelief and Rachel looks at him.) They have to learn!

Ross: (looks back at the cake) Hey!

Rachel: What?

Ross: It's not bad.

Rachel: (she looks at the cake) Oh my God! Look what... you made it into a bunny. How did you do that?

Ross: Well, I just made these two things uhm... cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.

Rachel: Well, I'm very impressed.

Ross: Some can sing, some can dance. I apparently can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures.

[ Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Chandler, Monica and Emma are sitting on the floor, and Emma's stuffed animals are lined up in front of them.]

Monica: Now another way to organise your stuffed animals, is by size.

Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?

Monica: Game?

Chandler: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.

(With his index finger he shows her how old she is. Emma also points her finger and babbles...)

Chandler: Ooh! That's my girl!

Monica: That's how old you are.

Chandler: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?

Monica: (embraces Emma tightly) Ooh, I want one...

Chandler: Me too...

(There's a couple of seconds of silence. Then Chandler looks around...)

Chandler: There's no-one around. Why don't we just take this one?

Monica: ...and head to Canada!

Chandler: I was kidding.

Monica: I wasn't. Let's get going!

(Phoebe enters the apartment again.)

Phoebe: Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?

Chandler: No, not yet.

Phoebe: Oh good, I didn't miss the party.

Monica: What about your massage client?

Phoebe: I just felt so bad, missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it will be alright.

(Joey comes running into the apartment, out of breath.)

Joey: Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!

(Ross and Rachel enter.)

Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!

Ross: Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs.

Rachel: I don't care that you left. I'm just glad that you're here. Thanks you guys!

Chandler: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.

Rachel: What?

Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)

Emma: Wo-ish. (and holds up her finger)

(Ross and Rachel gasp)

Rachel: Oh! Emma, that's right! You're that many!

Ross: Oh my God! Our daughter's a genius! Rach, this means...

Rachel: (angrily) NO, no science camp!

Ross: Damnit! I'll put a candle on the cake.

Rachel: Oh!... Oh and Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly!

Monica: Thanks!

Ross: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.

Chandler: Let's do it, come on!

(Rachel wipes away some tears.)

Ross: What's wrong? Are you okay?

Rachel: Oh yeah, nothing! These are happy tears! This is just what I wanted.

Phoebe: (pointing at cake) Hey, you made it into a bunny.

Joey: What is wrong with me. It looked more delicious when it was a penis.

ENDING CREDITS

[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. It's just Ross and Rachel. They put the camera on a tripod in the kitchen and they are standing in front of the camera.]

Rachel: Okay.

Ross: Okay, you ready?

Rachel: Yeah.

Ross: A-a-and... record.

Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...

(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)

Phoebe: (yelling at the top of her voice) Go, go, go Alan! Run you hairy bastard!

END

004 爱玛的生日蛋糕

嗨,大家

嗨

亲爱的，这周末我有订到那个六福饭店

就是在佛蒙特的?

我的暗示果然有用!!

你们这周未不能外出啊

那天是爱玛生日

会有一个派对

能不能等我们会来再举办呢?

那就会很怪，等于不是她真正的生日

喔，更何况她才一岁，

也不知道生日到底是什么

嘿，这对我们很重要呢

喔，很抱歉，我和钱德

希望一起度过假日

我们想沟通沟通，心理上的

我们从以前就很想做这件事

我在 Maxim 杂志看到的

你们可以选择其他日子吧?

我们非常希望大家都能来...

跟我非常讨厌你对我妹做

那奇怪的“性”事，一样多

听著，这是一件大事呢，

他不能度过他的一岁生日，

如果没有他阿姨和叔叔陪他

好的，我们会留下来

派对退出后，我们

还是可以赶过去

如果派对的事情害

我们没做杂志上的事情--

那不是理由，好不好?

你知道吗，菲比，

小的时候...

在我的生日...

我爸会在家里每个房间藏礼物

然后会给我们“宝藏地图”，

叫我们自己找

喔，我喜欢这种家庭习俗

但小时候，在我生日，

我继父...

...会去卖他的血，

来买吃的

嗨,大家

嗨

我带了摄像机，来录爱玛的派对

喔,好呢

我们想要录爱玛的派对

当她十八岁时，再拿给他看

喔，酷

就像一个“时空胶囊”

到时，他就会在一个当前未发明

的电视来看这个影带

和朋友，当前跟他一样还是

个婴儿，一起看

然后，我们住在一个浮起来的城市...

...为了逃避蚂蚁人

希望是如此!!

所以，爱玛起来了吗?

没有，现在午睡时间

乔伊在哪里呢?

我说过了，现在午睡时间

嗨，来看看乔伊叔叔吧

说句话，给十八岁生日的爱玛吧

十八岁,哈?

嘿，乔伊，不要--

怎么啦，怎么啦 ?

是要给爱玛很辣的朋友

当他看到这个，你已经是五十二岁了

就是我开始稳定下来的时候呢

乔伊，可以帮我打开吗?

这样就可以放爱玛的礼物

喔，非常愿意呢

我们要给他礼物吗?

是啊。我写了一首歌给爱玛

那，我怎么会知道呢?

这是一个生日派对呢

是啊，但她仅一岁而已

重点在哪里?

那天他对著杯子大笑一个多小时

只是一个普通杯子

上面有阿母的农夫图案

阿母站在牛旁边

牛说了：阿母-母-母-母

真是好笑的杯子

嗨

嘿,生日的女主角呢?

他还在睡觉呢

喔，当然，他昨晚知道要办一个派对...

...就太兴奋了，睡不着

我知道，你们很想去佛蒙特，

对你们也是一件大事

但这对我们也是一件大事，好吗?

爱玛不会再有第二次的一岁生日

好的，你对，我们很抱歉

那把爱玛叫醒，开始派对吧!!

他昨晚睡不好所以我们不能叫醒他

你是不是在跟我

开玩笑啊，姓格林的!!

嗨

嗨

真不敢相信，爱玛已经一岁了

我还记得你的一岁生日

罗斯很羡慕我们给你的一切

他很用力的去拉他的蛋蛋

所以我们要带他去看急诊

这就是你不知道的秘密，关于你爸的

嗨，盖勒先生和太太

我帮你放下来吧

谢谢

见到你们真好，我们三个又聚在一起

你知道更有趣的事吗?

就当做这礼物是我们

三个人一起送给爱玛的，怎样?

你是哪一位啊?

真不敢相信，爱玛还在睡

我知道，但没辙儿啊

我有计划，一好个计画

我会把这个铁盘

很用力的砸到你身上

那你会痛的哇哇大叫

这样会吵醒他，对不对?

我不会和这种莫妮卡去佛蒙特的

嗨，菲比，你知道吗?

即然你写了歌给爱玛

那我也可以给爱玛表演我的才艺?

所以，你要去泡爱玛，是不是?

不是，不是啦

我的才艺是演戏

我可能，可以--

给他边读本书边演出来

或是，你可以把一个叉子叉在苹果上?

嘿，我想爱玛会喜欢呢!

喔，爱玛会喜欢什么?

我的礼物!

你要给他什么?

实际上，我们正准备一个表演

分开的的表演呢

但是差不多

喔，听起来好好玩了

你知道吗？因为大家

很耐烦要等爱玛起来...

...所以，你们可以现在表演一个吗?

当然可以

好--好,那好吧

大家听著，我们开始吧

乔伊和菲比要表演给大家看呢

喔，太好了

那你会不会觉丢脸，

还没准备就上去表演呢?

嘿，我每个礼拜都这样呢，还加上

三个摄像机和所有开发人员等著我

那，乔伊，你要表演什么呢?

我会边读爱玛的书边演出来

哇，好耶，哪一本?

哇，他的收藏的其中一个

从暴风雨中脱险：

对抗产后的抑郁症

咿--咿--咿

始终爱你

始终爱你，作者：罗柏。曼

萤火虫出版社出版

在墨西哥印刷

一个母亲抱起他的婴儿

慢慢的，往前摇，往后摇

往前摇，往后摇...

往前摇，往后摇...

当母亲抱着时，他唱了：

我会始终爱你，我会一直喜欢你

至要我还活着，你就是我的孩子

当母亲抱着时，他唱了：

我会始终爱你，我会一直喜欢你

至要我还活着，你就是我的孩子

哇，真的太棒了

真的非常感谢你的礼物

今天我心理没有这个准备呢

喔，菲比，菲比也要表演给大家看

没错，我准备了一首歌给爱玛

直接从我心理到他的

没有比音乐更好的礼物了

“爱玛”

“你的名字给我一个困境”

“和你名字押韵的少极了”

“也许仅 Richard Crenna 演员”

“他是演蓝波的长官”

“生日快乐，爱玛”

就这样?

不，当然不是，还有--

其他的--

我也要读一本书给他

性爱和单身母亲

查找性感带的方法

不要啊

不要...

嗨爱玛, 祝你十八岁生日快乐

如果从现在算起，还有十七年之久呢

到时候你已经长大了，而到时候我们---

你公公和我都不在了

没错,这信息会是来自我们的坟墓里

还有,我父母亲很年轻就过世了

我的胆固醇还过高呢

爱玛，请记得，女生也会因心脏病而死

好了，好了，这样就够了

罗斯，别忘了要拍蛋糕

在盒子，在冰箱里

好的，没问题

喔，你会喜欢这蛋糕，

我从新泽西州的面包店买来的，

加理诺面包店

喔，他们有全世界最好吃的奶油

我小时候喜欢搭便车去那里

无论如何，他们做了很

多种口味，也很多种造型

如果你自己准备照片

他们还会放到蛋糕上

那你一定放爱玛的照片喽

当然,在一个兔子形的蛋糕

瑞秋，这家店是不是刚

好也卖色情蛋糕?

上面写：给单身派对使用

你在讲什么啊?

喔，我的天啊。他们还把

我女儿的脸放在“小弟弟”上

这才像派对嘛

喔，如果真有那么好笑的话，

我也可以自己做这种形状的啊

啊，没事，我还是认为很好吃

杰克,你看看

我知道你在想什么

其相似程度非常惊人

我也差点再度拉我的蛋蛋

不是，不是，这不是我要订的

我特地去新泽西州

只为了我女儿有完美的生日蛋糕

还有，我需要兔子蛋糕。现在!!

如果要快点的话，我们

可以从“小弟弟”上取出你的照片，

再贴到兔子蛋糕上

好像不是很适当

我会把蛋糕换回去，

甚至我不想有这种蛋糕在我家

乔伊,不要碰

我很疑惑啊!!!

是的，我还是要我女儿照片，

但是在兔子形状的蛋糕上

黄色蛋糕，有奶油和花生!!!

说实在的，这上面没有花生

嗨，莫妮卡，你真好啊，把车

借给瑞秋，为了他可以换蛋糕

因为他一直拉我头发至到我给他钥匙

你知道吗，即然闲著，就先

录一段给爱玛的十八岁生日

好不好?

嗨爱玛，现在是 2020 年，

你还在享受你的睡眠吗?

我们是莫妮卡和钱德，

你可能不认识我们，

因为我们已经十七年了

没有和你父母亲讲话

我们本来已结婚，但我们搞砸了

我们的一个周末，造成我们分开

就是因为你!!!

生日快乐!!

瑞秋答应过派对

这时候应该退出了

我们如果要去佛蒙特现在该出发了

我问过了，最后班次在半小时后

你知道吗，我有要按摩的客户

嘿，大家，忍耐一下，瑞秋随时会回来

莫妮卡，记得该店的奶油味道吗?

好，我再等五分钟

喂，发生什么事?

好的，好的，你在哪里?

我会过去的

那是不是爱玛? 他起来了吗?

他因超速被公安拦下来，

他忘了带车照，我得送过去

如果你要走，那我也得走

等一下，如果有人要走，

那就是我们，是我们抱怨最久的

等等，你们不能退出，

蛋糕的事已让瑞秋很烦，

如果回来时发现大家不在

那他会怎么觉得?

我不知道，你礼拜一再告诉我吧

乔伊,你负责这里,要确认没有人退出

了解

嘿嘿嘿,你要去哪?

去洗手间啊

即然大家会待一段时间，

请当做自己家里--

等等,洗手间里有个窗户...

不要让他逃走

喂，你们干什么啊!!

快滚出去啊!!

那个“小弟弟”上没有爱玛的照片

是，当然没有

已经很晚了，我们真的要走了，

杰克不能在晚上开车了

上冬天，我开车经过教堂的草地

然后撞上马的食槽

报纸误以为那是一个报仇计画

无论如何,很高兴可以见到你们

好的

再见

晚安

晚安

乔伊，你怎么可以让他们退出?

嘿嘿，我不会和杰克过不去的

他是一个好人，会保卫国家的

他才没有呢，他装成贵格会教徒才

可以逃离韩国

够了，他是最后一个退出的

我把门锁上了

你知道那个锁是

可以从这里面打开的

喔，我忘了你以前住过这里

喂

乔伊,我是你的经纪人 Estelle

嗨,你好

你今天的试镜如何?

什么试镜?

上礼拜我和你是过的啊?

你根本没有是过任何试镜!

那我从头说起，我刚接到你的试镜通知

你现在去还来得及，就在

Aster 戏院，还要自己带独白

独白? 我没有呢--

喔，有了...

那我要走了

什么，你不能退出，

我有按摩客户等在我家门外呢

我们已经付钱给一个

我们现在应该住在里面的房间

好好，只要有一个人照顾爱玛就行了

因我刚发现这点所以我可以走了

不行，不行

那我们想一个较公平的

方法来决定谁要留下来

喔，有了。大家选择一到十的数字

谁选到最大的数字可以先走

好喔，我选“十”

那我选“九”，还有其他的吗?

大家来抽签吧?

-或是可以用硬币--

拜托你,不要讲话了

这样好啦，我们从爱玛的

生日礼物选一个发条玩具，拿来赛跑

哪个跑最后的，就要留下来

好吧，就这样

这好像和佛蒙特的事情

比起来，好玩多了!

我要用那个海豚!!

菲比,那是一只熊

抱歉，我太兴奋了!!

菲比，你用这只熊

乔伊，你用机器人

钱德就用这只狗吧

比赛就要开始了...

从这里，到这里

谁最后一名的，要留下来!!

各位先生及女士，卷好你的发条

准备了吗?

预备

开始

快，快!!

不要停!

你在干什么啊?!!?

那个动作有什么作用吗!?!?

?!?!?!

哇，我赢了耶

干的好，熊熊

真的一个好比赛

是啊,那就再见喽

不，不，你们等一下，我们没有输呢

规定是说，最后跑到终点才是输家，

那我们的狗，没有跑到终点，所以--

他们已经走了!

你知道吗? 根本没时间去面包店，

所以我们现在回家了

大家已经走了?

好喔，告诉爱玛我们会

尽快回家，再见

-瑞秋!!!

喔,天啊,抱歉

真不敢相信，他们给了你一个罚单

你真是一个好驾驶人

爱玛起来了

是喔?

真不敢相信，在他的一岁生日，

他醒来时，我们不在

大家也已经退出了，

还加上这个烂蛋糕!!!

嘿，也许我可以弄好这蛋糕

试试看，改成别的形状嘛

已经无所谓了

你不知道这些早期的经验

对他有多重要吗，罗斯?

非常重要

依照你给我的那本书背面

瑞秋，他不会记得这些

也许吧

喔，我本来想像今天是怎样的一天

爱玛在笑，大家围绕著

蛋糕唱“生日快乐”

然后--

嘿，不要挡本姑娘的路，

笨笨的初学者!!!

[喇叭声]

他们总要学这点

嘿

什么?

这不错嘛

喔，天啊。你怎么弄的，罗斯?

我把这边改成脸颊，

这部分再分两边，变成耳朵

喔，我非常感动呢

有些人会唱歌，些人会跳舞，

我显然的可以把“小弟弟”改成兔子蛋糕

还有另外一种方法来整理玩具

就是按照大小

对不起，这是给爱玛

玩的游戏，或是给莫妮卡?

游戏?

你知道今天是你生日吗?

你是一--

就是一岁，怎么小

你几岁?

哈，这我的女儿??

这就是你的年龄

是我教他的吗?

或是我传授智能给他?

喔,我也想要有一个

我也是

这里没人，干脆我们带走他，好吗?

然后跑去加拿大?

我在开玩笑

我可没有呢!!

快点出发吧

嘿,罗斯和瑞秋回来了吗?

还没有呢

喔,好耶,我没错过派对嘛

那你的按摩客户呢?

我觉得很内疚如果错过这派对

所以我给他一些东西

五或六个小时后再做也可以

嘿，如果罗斯，瑞秋问起我，

说我一直待在这里

我一直待在这里的

乔伊，我们刚看到你进来

而且你跑上来时，在楼梯有经过我们

我不管你有没有退出

我很高兴你们现在在这里

谢谢大家

嘿，大家过来

你们应该看看爱玛刚做了什么

爱玛，你几岁?

你今天几岁?

一岁

哇

爱玛就是那么一岁

喔,天啊,我们女儿是一个天才

这表示

不要有科学的说教了

喔,真是的

我把蜡烛放到蛋糕上

喔

喔，爱玛，看看你的娃娃

排的如此整齐

谢谢

好了，要开始了

这是爱玛第一个生日蛋糕

快吹啊，吹息蜡烛

怎么啦,你还好吧?

喔,没事

这是快乐的眼泪

这就是我想要的

嘿，蛋糕已变成兔子形状的

喔，我怎么啦，为什么

“小弟弟”的形状时看来比较好吃

好,准备了吗?

是的

那,开始录了

嗨，爱玛，你的生日刚退出了

而且

[吵杂声]

熊熊，快跑啊

你这只笨熊